Conversations you might have if you’re out of citalopram.

If Greg Louganis can have a penis in his mouth why can’t Micheal Phelps have a bong in his?

If Greg Louganis could have his own penis in his mouth………..well that beats Curling.

A friend noticed a very tall man. He was also very fat and sweaty. I reminded her she may have to use a foot stool to give him a rim job.

Andy: Once out of boredom I snorted one of my ambien.

Patty: Yea how was that?

Andy: I dunno I fell asleep.

I had a spammer answer my craigslist personal ad today. You know, attach a half naked 19 year old’s picture even though his email indicates his name is Goeff.  The response simply said “What would you like me to do”?     I said I would like you to fuck yourself and I hope you get stabbed on Christmas.

I bought Buddy a squeaky toy tonight, but it’s shaped like a ball instead of a bone so he doesn’t squeak it, he just carries it around……………..OBVIOUSLY, Duh!

I went into the leather coat store tonight looking for a Christmas present for my Daughter, turns out I fit into a large now!!!!!!

If I smear sticky stuff on someone’s junk and then pull it off rapidly I could get paid 100 buck’s………….tee hee there is a God!!!!

I got a text from my daughter asking me when the last time I smoked Gange was………….yeah am I having that conversation?

Buddy was licking himself inappropriately and I asked my uncle if he wished he could do that?  He responded “I’m sure I could if he would move his head”.

Today I was trying to get my health insurance fixed (so I could get my Citalopram). I was given three sheets of paper explaining my right to privacy at the exact same time I was given two forms that included my full name, social security number and date of birth to give to employers to verify my income.

I think maybe it’s better I have my Citalopram now.


2 Responses

  1. […] Yesterday I had a great conversation with my Dean.  It was one of those end of  year, wrap up conversations.. kind of an informal performance review discussion.  Dean said that she appreciated my skills as department chair and that she’d noticed a big change in my personality this year.  That I’m more relaxed, I have more patience and a more calming aura concerning problems that may come up.  She attributed the new Patty to finishing my dissertation — and that’s part of it — the other part is probably the influence of Andy.  For those of you who don’t know Andy, relaxed, calming and patient are usually adjectives that apply to him…..unless you hit a button of his, or he’s out of his happy pills..(then he’s funny… really funny….) […]

  2. […] such a fantastic friend, so — it’s luck.  I appreciate that can talk, laugh and sometimes just be quiet.  You’ve taught me to listen to music from a new perspective and […]

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