I think I need a Dildo for my guitar??????

In my latest fancy pants British acoustic guitar magazine there is a new device that you place on the front of your guitar that gently vibrates. What’s the point you ask?  Old well played guitars simply sound better. The first trick of course is that the wood always maintains a reasonable humidity. Wood does not do well with conditions that are too dry, too wet or too much of both.

Secondly, The vibration of the strings over time helps to settle all of the complicated joints and braces relax and snuggle in just perfectly. The result is a complex and lush tone that you only find in special guitars…………….in other words, not a guitar……….”the guitar”

An acoustic guitar is much like Mr. Severtson’s physics class experiment of building the best bridge possible with a certain amount of Popsicle sticks.  The best guitars are very light weight (say around 10 pounds) and can hold 200 pounds of tension constantly. With proper care a fine guitar shouldn’t need anything more then minor adjustment for decades.

So………….do I loose Mojo points for cheating and not playing the guitar for 3 hours a day for 10 years……………is it cheating?    I’m thinking I don’t give a rats ass………………..I want my guitar to sound the very best that it can.

However, this new little invention prices in and 175.00 pounds sterling. Ridiculous!

I have heard (I wouldn’t know for sure because I’m a nice man and not a creep-nick) That there are certain marital enhancers……..batter powered……..small enough to fit into a guitar case that could do exactly the same thing????????

What are your opinions?

 

 

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One Response

  1. […] is open to interpretation and application by people who aren’t me… sigh. If Andy figures out a way to make a vibrator for his guitar, we can equip our classroom chairs with a similar item… or, that may not be such a bright […]

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