… really, it’s one line in an otherwise just kind of annoying song, and another whole song…
The lyric is in “Where have all the Cowboys Gone” by Paula Cole…
The whole song is pretty much about wanting to be a farm/ranch wife married to her
hero , prince charming, Cowboy – and she’s asking where they’ve gone… She sets herself up in the howswifey role taking care of the kids while he pays the bills — blah, blah, blah —
What gets me is when she asks “how do you take your coffee my sweet?” — ummm… sweetie, you should know that if you’re paying attention at all, to your HUSBAND. Do you really have to ask? grrrrr….. as Andy noted when I gave the longer version of this rant to him, “I know a person’s coffee order after one or two cups” — exactly… if she lives with him, caters to his every whim and has his children etc — she should know if he likes it black or not.
The song in general that pisses me off is “All I wanna do (is make love to you)” by Heart.
The general storyline, from my perspective, is that she went trolling for sperm and got some without telling the dude what she was up to. Nice. She intentionally goes out to have a one-nighter with a dude she assumes has active swimmers when she knows she’ll get knocked up and then goes home to have the baby only leaving him a cryptic note about flowers and trees…
Ummmm… what about the dude’s connection to the kid? Doesn’t he have a right to know his kid? Doesn’t the kid have a right to know his genetic father? If she thought a sperm bank was too creepy, isn’t it worse to pick up some random dude on a rainy night and get his sperm? He could have a whole shit-ton of genetic problems she’d never know about because she didn’t even know who he was… hell, if her mamma’s the same kinda slut she is, he could be her brother or something!
I suppose this makes me even more angry after getting to know Andy, Max and Andy’s dad (“Dandy” from here on..). I can see, perhaps with only the clarity of someone meeting all three at the same time, how Dandy passed on his parenting skills to Andy and how Andy puts his own unique twist on them with Max. I see the similarities between the three of them — both in looks and personality — and the differences as well. As someone who didn’t have brothers or particularly strong male role-models in my immediate family, this whole good father thing is rather new to me.
I’ve known more than a few sets of divorced parents where one parent decides to move away from the other, thus making it even more difficult for the non-custodial parent to see the kid. I think this is really horrible and selfish and I don’t think I could ever make that kind of move — but, at least the kid knows his dad in this scenario and both can make real efforts to stay connected.
I’ve also known more than a few craptastic dads in my time…. many of them my peers — who aren’t married to their kids’ moms (maybe never were) and essentially abandon the kids to the whims of their mothers. This is also a horrific and terribly selfish move on the part of the dads — and I know I couldn’t be close to someone who had kids and didn’t want any part of their lives… but, at least the dad knows he has kids in this scenario and can make moves to reverse his poor choice.
I get that the chick in the song wants a baby and her honey at home can’t do the job… that doesn’t mean she has any right to get sperm from a dude and not even tell him that he’s a father until it surprises him… “then it happened one day, we came round the same way, imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes”… yea — that’s kinda every dude’s nightmare right there in a song lyric. Now, some psyco-slut-lying-bitch is raising your son… great.
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