Dating… a female perspective…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you look like this, don’t answer personal ads — add 5 years to the age the woman says she is — and expect her to buy it…

Andy has much more experience dating than do I — and for the most part I tend to agree with his assessment of his experiences.  As you might imagine, we’ve talked about it — and I get it..

From the woman’s side — here are a few observations / hints / tips and rants.. mostly based on online discussions with dudes..

  • If you’re old, admit it — a bit of conversation will reveal generational differences long before you get to see the woman face to face… Eventually you’ll let it slip that you were in the Vietnam war, that you graduated from high school in 1975, that your kids are in their 30s or some other clue that you aren’t 43… really, why waste time lying about your age guys?  I think the answer is that every dude seems to want a hot young thing (“young” being relative) who wants to shag him.
  • If a woman says she’s a “BBW” that means she isn’t some skinny thing who wants a sandwich.  If you ask to see her photo after that, then stop responding to her — it’s a clue you’re a pig.  Get over yourself, the photo you sent that was taken in your bathroom mirror isn’t all that.
  • Nice girls don’t have shots of their reproductive organs hanging around on their phones to immediately include in a text — getting pissy when they decline to send you those things is a sign that you’re just looking to see some strange boobies and not looking for a relationship.  Smart girls get the message quickly, you’ll end up with a chick who will send photos of her privates to any dude who asks for them — don’t get all huffy when she sends them to someone else.
  • If you’re looking for a “FWB” situation, you’d better be danged good in bed… or she’s not going to think you’re worth shaving her legs for.  If you want to know if you’re good in bed, think back to the last few women — did they roll over and read catalogues right after ward?  Did they kick you out of the house and get on Facebook with their girlfriends?  Did they ask you to come back?  If not — you should think about improving your skills before looking for the next FWB.
  • If a woman has a best friend ever that’s a dude — take that as a good sign.  if some guy out there wants to spend time with her and NOT sleep with her — she’s probably a catch.  She probably doesn’t have 94 cats, she probably doesn’t have outrageous expectations of any guy, and she has a guy who can give her solid guy advice when needed.  Appreciate that they have a special, unique and beautiful relationship and believe her when she tells you he’s ok with her dating, as long as the guy is good to her.
Overall, I think that there’s a vicious circle going on between men and women.  How it started isn’t important, but I think it is the case that for example — if a guy is crappy to a woman, it may be because he’s passing on lessons learned from a past woman — (or he’s an a-hole) — and it’s quite possible that the woman he’s crappy to will pass it on to a nice dude, turning him into someone who treats women crappy.  The reverse may be true as well… women may start the chain.  It’s intensified because our society puts a lot of stock into being paired up — so people have a lot of self-esteem wrapped up in not being alone — so, a crappy partner is better than no partner at all — and they crappy partner’s behavior is reinforced…
The solution is simple — be nice to one another — be honest, kind, thoughtful and considerate.  Be generous even if someone can’t be as generous back.. and try to see  your behavior from the other person’s perspective.  Accept what the other person says as being true until you see contradictions in their statements / behaviors… that’s evidence.  Then move on if you aren’t getting what you want out of the interaction.   If you can’t do that, maybe you should give up dating for a while and think about yourself… just sayin’.
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