Dating tips.. for girls..

especially for dating / meeting folks online…

I’ve been thinking a lot about dating recently — and, since my closest friend is a guy — I’ve had some input from the other side.

First of all — if you’re writing an online ad, something like — I’m 45o lbs, I have four kids, no job and live in my sister’s basement is probably too much information.  Following it up with “want fit, handsome, wealthy, young Tom Cruse type” probably isn’t going to get you what you want.

Second — writing an online ad in which you indicate that you’re generally happy with your life (assuming you are) and that you’re not looking to change or take charge of a guy’s life — is probably going to get you a ton of responses.. seriously.  At least guys my age don’t want to have the pressure of making you happy — and you should watch the hell out for the ones who say that’s what they want, that reads as “controlling asshole” to me.

Third — take it slow — e-mail and text for a bit to get to know the person.  Ask questions about their life, the way they like to spend their time etc — before hopping in the sack with them.  Make sure the person is someone you’d want to talk to, not just shag — because the shagging is only a small part of any decent relationship.

Fourth — let him have his “him” time.  He may not need much… he may eventually find that being with you is his refreshing escape, but let him figure that out. At one point this weekend Andy was having a discussion with “Ranger Rick”, in which Rick was saying that hunting and fishing with his dudes was the equivalent of a Manspa — (which I totally get and approve of), to which Andy replied — “Patty and I are such good friends, that’s what our spending time together is like –“…  nice place to be, eh?  It takes a lot of respect and trust to know that he’s just rejuvenating and not shagging someone else.

Fifth — respect that he’s busy.  If he’s worth dating, he’s probably got a lot of stuff going on.  Friends, family, work, his hobbies–  all the stuff that makes him interesting also makes him busy.  If things work out, and he lets  you completely into his life, that will be your life together — but, when you’re first dating you aren’t there yet.  Respect that — if he doesn’t have all of that kind of stuff going on, run — like the wind — he’s going to want to be your “everything” and you don’t want to go there.. it’s confining and boring.  Better an interesting and busy guy than one who will be at your beck and call, but has nothing interesting to say.

Sixth – Don’t freak out on him because he’s friendly with his ex.  Chances are pretty decent that you’ll end up an ex, as opposed to his lifelong partner, wouldn’t you want someone who can be civil in the break-up?  Ex wives, girlfriends etc.. don’t have to be enemies — they aren’t enemies of your’s (you have him, they don’t), and they certainly don’t need to be enemies of his.  Not wanting to spend a lot of time with someone isn’t the equivalent of hating them.  It just isn’t — and, if they had a long relationship, there are going to be mutual ties, interests and activities that will still bind them even if they aren’t romantically involved.

Seventh — don’t freak out on him.  period.  Especially not in electronic communication.  Not responding to texts or e-mails means one of two things — either he can’t (he’s busy, phone is dead etc..) or he doesn’t want to.  You can’t manage either of those on your end… so filling up his in box with freak-out just isn’t a good idea.  You can have open, honest and emotional discussions about what you want — but, those need to be at times when he can “talk”.. either electronically or in person.




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